On this page, I am planning on putting quite a few reviews. I will be reviewing books, movies, albums, games and magazines. I will also review some of these mentioned items of your request, so if you want me to review a particular movie, etc, just drop me a line right here.
Hopefully, I can do enough reviews to possibly get some free stuff to review from companies.
F - Bloody Awful
D - Average
C - Fair
B - Good
A - Excellent
THING: YOUR MOM
RATING: 'A' FUCKING PLUS
REVIEWED BY: Julius
June 27/05 - Ok, for the record, I wasn't going to leave this next review up...but fuck, it's actually one of the most descriptively sound things I've ever written. Plus, it's funny. Because it's true. One of your mothers was violated by me. Sleep tight!
In my search for great sex, I stumbled upon, i mean up on, your mom. Holy grizzly fuck. Your mom is a fucking animal, all of her instincts for survival honed in on finding my quivering man hammer to quench her immense thirst and surging desire to personify a vaccuum cleaner. The way she sucked and swallowed was a thing of divine beauty, because she sucked and swallowed with love. Your mom touched me in places that only a mother could love, and did she ever. Her tongue made my slip 'n' slide look like a relief map of a mountain chain, stroking every square inch so delicately yet which such powerful authority that it gave the suggestion that she excercised it regularly. As she completed her oral conquest of my excited wang doodle, and wiped away the last of my man juice from her pouting lips, I knew it was now my turn to do to your mom what your mom had done to me, and satisfy me like no other, including your sister, had been able to satisfy me. I began with a romp in the brush, finding my way through the leaves as a monkey with night vision goggles. As I found my sacred temple, I went in with no regrets of banging your mom, with no ill-thoughts or no desire to pack my things and go home. I ventured forward, pausing only to tease, and listening to your mom's quaking orgasm as I snaked my tongue into the very spot where you, my friend, exited her and into this world. The difference is that she actually enjoyed THIS feeling. I decided to navigate north, passing my 20-something tongue over your mom's erect nipples, the very same nipples which you drank milk from so very long ago. Well, now it's MY turn to suck on your mom's supple breasts, breasts which look up to the world as if to say, "hey, we need some lovin'." I finally decided that enough was enough, foreplay had reached its climax, as had your mom. It was time for the main event, it was time for me to penetrate your mom in ways she had never been penetrated before. I went inside her, long and slow, picking up speed here and there for suspense value, as she teetered on the brink of nirvana several times before I brought her down again for another go. You remember that sound that you thought was thunder? That was your mom exploding in delight with me inside her. That thing you thought was lightning? That was me shorting out your television when I kicked it over. In short, your mom was a terrific lay, the best of all time. You should be very proud of your mom, as proud as I and the milkman are of her. Your mom is a fucking sex machine.