April 24, 2004
UPDATED BY: Julius

Businessmen of the world, unite!

I'm here to bitch. So Julius, you might be saying, what else is new? You've got some attitude on you, jerkass, and if you continue to sass me, I'll punch you dead. But I've been drinking. So here goes. I'm here to bitch about hardcore leftists. These aren't the people who tell you they are anti-capitalist while wearing a Gap hoodie, these are the people who throw rocks at police officers, who start violent protests, who throw red paint onto furcoats, who just have a general disdain for anyone who makes money, makes products, and isn't a shiftless lay-about. I'm talking about the hardcore leftists.

"Must...crush...capitalism!" - the walking-dead corpse of Lenin, only this time, as depicted on The Simpsons.

If you were to dismantle capitalism and it's supporting infrastructure you'd be left with no businesses, large or small, no capital, no industry, no growth. The only reason that this would be a good thing is because we'd finally be rid of people advertising their girlfriend Che Guevara on shirts, pins and posters. I checked out a few sites, and these shirts, designed to make people aware of the evils of the capitalist machine, cost anywhere from $15 to $20 US and are made using forced labour and child labour in sweatshops in Asia and South America. Way to chalk one up in the win column!

What's amazing about this situation is that most people on the left have put Guevara up on a pedestal without even knowing what the man did with his life. I admire him because he stood up for what he believed was right, and the fact is, Cuba is better off with Castro (Che was Castro's right hand man, ironically) than they were under Batista, whether I agree with his philosophy or his motives. However, the man should not be given deity status, because the fact is, he was a violent man. After the successful revolution in Cuba, he tried to start similar revolutions in Congo, Asia, and Latin America, stating that he wanted to start "Twenty new Vietnams" in South America. During the Cuban Missile Crisis, he was even pushing for nuclear confrontation between the US and the Soviet Union. Dude, that's not too cool!

He did say some pretty inspirational things though, I mean, the guy did get a lot of people to follow him in revolutions. I think my favourite Che quote is "It is better to die standing than to live on your knees." But people really do need to educate themselves before setting up their Paypal account to buy a shirt with his face on it just because "everyone else does". If not, there will simply be a pool of mindless hypocrites walking around with store-bought anti-capitalism swag, which only feeds the fire of people like Nietzsche who once described socialists as a "herd". Don't fall into this trap! I have met a lot of very intelligent leftists who actually want to better their knowledge of the world around them before denouncing every company who has ever made a product. Conversely, I'm not talking about THOSE leftists in this rant. I'm talking about the crazy ones. But I digress.

Why do so many hardcore lefties want to bring down capitalism anyway? If evil corporations were gone, how else would you people occupy your time? Would you sing Kumbaya-Ya in a meadow while holding hands in a circle? The answer is yes, but only until 200 million gun-toting China-men invade because our gun and bomb factories are gone. Thanks so much!

"The death of one is a tragedy, the death of a million is just a statistic". - Joseph Stalin, a guy who in terms of pure ethnic cleansing, killed more people than Hitler.

I totally understand the annoyance that many socialists have with a company like Coca Cola. Stories have surfaced that blame Coke for the murders of five union heads in South America, and of course, murder is not cool, even if they ARE from an uppity PMS union. So, the ideal solution (in the mind of the leftist) is to bring Coke to its knees and destroy the company forever, thereby putting out onto the street the thousands of people that Coke employs around the world. And remember, even if one of those employees makes 5 cents an hour in gulag-like conditions, 5 cents is still 5 cents more than zero cents (I wouldn't expect the pot-smoking hippie faction of the left to know this). Basically, what this "ideal" solution posits is that the firing of thousands of people is acceptable so long as those bastards from Coke get punished for killing people who are trying to fuck up their profit margin. Doesn't anyone else see a problem with this picture? You see, the opposite is preferable - allow the thousands to live their lives, and if this means Coke gets to keep their company, so be it. There are other ways to reprimand a company, but too many social activists tend to only see the two slices of bread of the sandwich and none of the meat. There ARE middle ground measures, and these always prove less catastrophic (and less stupid) than the extremes.

"Sure, freedom of assembly is a right, but with all rights, comes responsibility, and with the lack of responsibility comes consequence." - any Conservative you'll ever meet

"The Pyschos"

For the sake of this argument, let's stereotype the left and state very simplistically that all vegetarians, environmentalists and activists are left-wing. This over-simplification does have some merit to it, but there are obvious exceptions. I know a lot of leftists who couldn't give two shits about animals being used for food, and a lot of rightists who would rather hug a tree than cut it down. (We're not anti-environment, but that's another story for another day). However, the trend usually dictates that leftists make up the majority of these camps, so we'll go with that for now. If you don't think this is kosher, you can take a flying leap. Anyway, the point of this section has to do with protests and political activism, which can be useful. But let's look at a few examples. For one, protesters try to shut down every single meeting held by the G8, the G20 or the WTO. Even the World Bank gets protesters, which is funny, considering it is a socialist institution designed to aid countries with major financial trouble by providing them short and long term loans at low or zero interest. But the other groups often meet to discuss, among free trade and enterprise, third world debt relief and foreign aid. I can't wait until these nations finally hash out a comprehensive plan on relieving third world countries of their debt and tell the public something along the lines of "If we left like the protestors wanted us to, this wouldn't have happened!" And the environmentalists should also note that issues like the Kyoto Protocol were also hammered out in such meetings.

At the WTO summit in Seattle, the talk of the day was about violent protesters who were not only assaulting police officers (who were just doing their fucking jobs, show some respect) but were also vandalizing stores like Starbucks and the Gap. What's the point? Stores like the aforementioned are wonderful examples of how someone started a small business and through effective enterprising, made it a household name and also made themselves wealthy. This opportunity is allowed in countries like the US and Canada, where anyone can make it. Yet, many leftists believe that it is preferable to struggle in a small business (which also means becoming dick-deep in debt and probably a lot of domestic problems) than to strive at your job, make good money to feed and clothe your kids, and also provide gainful employment to potentially thousands of people who then pay taxes, make purchases and oh, let's see, MAKES THE ECONOMY WORK, WHICH ALLOWS FOR FUNDING FOR EDUCATION, HEALTH CARE AND SOCIAL SERVICES. But these people are supposed to be the humanitarians. Makes you think, doesn't it. And how about this: what did the owner of that one location ever do to anyone? Why did that one particular franchise owner deserve to have his windows smashed? Why should he now pay for the new window? Guess what, the CEO of Starbucks doesn't own every single location, the guy that could be your neighbour does. So lay off.

Next up on the list of offenders is the militant vegetarian and vegan. Vegans amuse me greatly. They don't consume anything that comes from an animal, and often stick to things like wheat and grain. Well guess what gets used to fertilize those crops? ANIMAL POO! Animal poo certainly comes from animals, and if the "circle of life" that some vegans talk about in their defence against meat-eating is true, then there must be some of that poo, and even the essence of the animal that provided it (by eating the previous crop of wheat) is in that grain.

Answer me this - are lions murderers? Every vegetarian will tell you, no, they're just surviving. Well guess what, so am I. Sure, I could eat nothing but vegetables and live, but shit, so could a lion. So what makes that lion so special that he can morally eat animals and I can't? And as for all that horseshit about "well, you can eat supplements and soy", refer to the picture below. And choke on this - supplements are called supplements for a fucking reason. They are supposed to SUPPLEMENT something else, in this case, MEAT. As for soy, do you refer to the product that is factory-farmed and produced and often costs much more than it's meaty counterpart?

Right here, buddy. Here's your motherfucking soy.

What also bugs me is when people claim that we shouldn't kill animals because they have the same rights as humans. Tell you what, when Mittens the cat gets a social security number, gets a job and pays her taxes, she can have the same rights. Since Mittens doesn't even have opposable thumbs, she can eat my ass.

Here, in a nutshell, is the horrible spiral of vegetarianism - the bovine becomes extinct by starvation, farmers who rely on meat-eating become bankrupt, families are ruined, social assistance needs skyrocket, more and more pressure is put on a shrinking working class, butcher shops, supermarkets and the fast-food industry go to shit, thousands become homeless after struggling with debt that is taken on just to survive, people defaulting on their loans hurt the loaners, and eventually, economies crumble. But so long as Bessie the cow doesn't become your dinner, there is no problem with this right? Fuck off.

Here's another point for the animal huggers. If I wear a fur coat, and you dump red paint on it and call it murder, I'm going to sue your ass! And the money that I get from the lawsuit, mostly out of spite, will be put towards buying a new fur coat, which means a whole new slew of animals will have to die for me to look good! And maybe, just maybe, I'll buy a more expensive one, made from rarer and more endangered animals! How do you like THEM apples? Way to solve the problem, assheel!

Next up are environmentalists. Putting aside the fact that Canada is mostly trees anyway (ever been up north?), what about the human factor? We need to grow, expand, and build infrastructure, and the fact is, trees (of which there are an abundance in this country anyway) can be replanted and even moved, taking away the need to even chop them down. As for humans, they are employed by logging companies, construction companies, etc. Also, we need wood don't we? Wood to say, build a house, make a pencil, make paper, make desks and furniture, and so on and so forth. But yet we are made to feel guilty because some yahoo who wants to marry a tree says this is evil? Boo-hoo-hoo!

And what about the Kyoto Protocol. Yes, good old Kyoto, the accord that actually hurts countries like Canada, the US, Russia and China. See, these four countries have much much more industry than countries like Germany and France and Spain and Italy, so it was a hell of a lot cheaper for those nations to reduce their CO2 emissions and make their industry more eco-friendly. Plus, a lot of countries in Europe have the ability, again because it was easier and cheaper for them to switch, to use nuclear and hydrogen power. So, since they aren't affected by the ramifications of Kyoto, they signed on happily. So did the whacked out Chretien, because he'd rather look good in front of the European Union than stand up for his country. So of course, countries like ours and the other three listed above will be forced to shut down all kinds of industry just to cut down on CO2 emissions, meaning that Kyoto doesn't even take into account a lot of the more harmful gasses and emissions. This will hurt Canada big time, and just goes again to prove that for some reason, no one cares about the thousands of people that will be screwed out of jobs and have the bread taken off their tables just so that this government can say "we like the environment!" It makes me sick.

So remember kids, it's great to be a leftist, and to have different views, but think fully about the consequences of your actions and philosophies. No theory is perfect, I admit, and I know there are a lot of flaws with right-wing ideas too. But it's best for everyone if you don't idealize your beliefs and say that your views are the correct ones. The fact is, no political view is more correct or better than another. Some work at some times, others work at other times. But figuring out a way to make those ideas work for a good chunk of time for a good chunk of people is what separates a good government from a bad government.

In other news, this site is getting a facelift. In the coming days, Derek and I will sit down and fidget with the unfidgetable, mess with the unmessable, and drink the undrinkable! And maybe make some changes while we're at it. Some new graphics will go up, some new pages too, some pages will be torn down. Makes me feel god-like in a really stupid way.